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9/13/2009 YouthToo little to give? Too late to change?  Every time I hear people say "There is nothing we can do", I feel a strongly repulsive force of disgust growing upward my stomach and blood fiercely running through my veins to my fists. Uninspiring like hell, I don't like the wisdom of "giving it all up and letting go without a fight". Maybe it's just me, maybe it's my personality, my destiny, my arrogance, my ego, my flaw, my whatever, but I don't like my life to be just a dashline on the dots of time. I want to fight, for something greater than myself, and find something beautiful and worthy enough for me to defend with all my heart. While the world spins around me, I can only count on myself now. Despite my free spirit and open mind, I have carried on a rather lonely life. Cuts on my heart bleed evermore each day, while I try to stand firm and hold up a little piece of sky not just for me but for the people behind me. The pains are becoming harder for me to handle but, my stubborn heart will not let go. My love ones would never know what I went through in this life because I don't believe spreading the shreds of sadness will make the world a better place. I only want them to be healthy and happy. Idealist, perfectionist, I'm going solo as time passes me by. Meanwhile, some people have to make sure that I understand how they "don't have a lot to give for others" and they "can't be like you because I have to be selfish to survive". It is just ... such a shameless and awful sight of life. Honestly I don't really want to know, nor do I care much about the reason why people must make the world a little colder. At this point in time, we are the new generation of this world, and I believe that we were not born to conform with the old world order but to break free and create something new, exciting and hopefully lastingly beauitful. Just like a tiny tip of grass breaking through the rocky ground when spring comes, none of us should let go of youth and just watch it wither away in the air and slip through our own hands. If we happen to fail, then we fail, but we stay intrepid, we carry on. We can be vulnerable, inexperienced, broken, hurt, or whatever, but with Time on our side, there is nothing to be afraid of, not even the very hand of Destiny. 7/26/2009 简单满不在乎的表情，近乎麻木的神经，只为了一种与生俱来的执着。 一个人活着很简单，管不了那么多孤单，没被单自有蚊来伴，生活不用谁来买单； 没什么难堪，也没什么困难，自己的麻烦，自然独闯关； 往昔重影不曾看，万劫来复也不叹；夕阳有尽夕阳残，明朝风景明朝看。 6/8/2009 小吃前两天无法登陆Space，修了几天的电插座和路由，现在总算可以无线上网了，速度还不错。 还有很多很多东西要修。。。 受Jet Lag影响，最近状态不是很好，基本上大半时间在想睡觉。 每天还是尽量陪外婆进行恢复练习，她现在已经能左右脚抬腿走路了，不过周末还是差点出了点儿意外，还还是有惊无险 周六去吃了护国寺小吃＋簋街小龙虾，小吃自然很好吃，所以就每样都来了点儿，以奶油炸糕，爆肚，炸松肉，杏仁豆腐为主，加上后来去吃小龙虾，生最后给我弄吃不动了。这倒是近年来很少见的一次吃饱，当然跟时差可能也有些关系。 周日早上去见了我妈一朋友和她儿子，跟他们侃了N久，我想应该是留下了不错的印象，算是圆满完成了我妈安排的任务。明天应该还有一个朋友要见，外加我爸安排的一件事。 5/13/2009 21th Century Breakdown21st century breakdown I once was lost but never was found I think I'm losing what's left of my mind to the 20th century deadline Dreaming I am only dreaming Of another place and time Where my family's from When you're at the end of the road And you lost all sense of control And your thoughts have taken their toll When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul Like a hero for the lost cause She's an endless war Like a hurricane In the heart of the devastation She's a natural disaster She's the last of the American girls Do you know what's worth fighting for When it's not worth dying for? Does it take you breath away And you feel yourself suffocating? Does the pain weight out the pride? And you look for a place to hide? Does someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins Dying Everyone's reminded Hearts are washed in misery Drenched in gasoline You are the moonlight of my life every night With every breath that I am worth Here on earth I'm sending all my love to you. So if you dare to second guess you can rest assured That all my love's for you I've go a really bad disease It's like an ulcer bleeding in my brain So I can lose my memory The scars on my hands and a means to an end It's all that I have to show I'm elated Medicated Lord knows I tried to find a way to run away You'd be surprised what I endure I never find a place to hide I feel like I've been crucified to be satisfied I'm a victim of my symptom I am my own worst enemy My beating heart belongs to you I walked for miles til I found you I'm here to honor you If I lose everything in the fire I'm sending all my love to you. My name is 'No one' your long lost son Born on the 4th of July Raised in the barnyards of heroes and cons Left me for dead or alive Did you try to live on your own When you burned down the house and home? Did you stand too close to the fire? Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone Laughter There is no more laugher Songs of yesterday Now live in the underground When it's time to live and let die And you can't get another try Something inside this heart has died You're in ruins One, 21 guns Lay down your arms Give up the fight One, 21 guns Throw up your arms into the sky You and I  4/29/2009 `~`Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges make life worth living.  As one more success fades into the past, to the present it is only one more obstacle to overcome. "Improvise, adapt to the environment, Darwin, shit happens, I Ching, whatever man, we gotta roll with it." There has been some good days, but I want to make them even better as long as the fire remains. Time is going so slow. On the window of car, my hands can still feel the tip of trees and edge of sky. Some familiar feelings with the clouds still linger here. We are intrepid. We carry on.  やせがまんばかりで もう半年過ぎたが 何が変わったか 誰を愛したか 頭の中で今夢がくずれだした 何とかなれ やぶれかぶればかりで もう半年過ぎたが 何が変わったか 誰を愛せたか 頭の中で今夢がくずれだした 何とかなれ 何とかなれ…… Nothing but false stoicism, Half a year passed by already. What has changed? Who did you love? Now the dreams inside my head have started crumbling, Somehow I'll be fine. Nothing but self-abandonment, Half a year passed by already. What has changed? Who could you love? Now the dreams inside my head have started crumbling, Somehow I'll be fine, Somehow I'll be fine... 4/20/2009 FreedomJust another day in the paradise...with my restless heart.
忙到自然睡，想到自然醒，看来又会是忙碌的一周。
上了NG主页，评分4.11/5.00，表现相当不错，算是没辜负那么多人的支持
妈来电话说很高兴看到我的成绩，说很好奇有关我的世界。她觉得只要在网上，我永远都是自由的。
我的确可以做很多事，用虚幻的力量影响我生活中的现实，但网络并不给任何人更多的自由，那些成百上千的popularity只不过是幻觉罢了，真正的自由跟现实中一样，只有赢得人心的人，才能获得真正的自由。
还记得Gladiator里的话，Men, what we do in life, echoes in eternity!
Anticipating Utada's This is the one album. The video is really not that good but some parts of the song ring a bell in my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tNojuJKGjk
3/14/2009 Friday the 13thWas quite a day.
As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of life is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being. --C.G Jung Memories, Dreams, Reflections. 13th on Friday, March, 2009, HCAHCSROR's journal Get up. Only 5 am. No good feeling. Missing something. Check on the last class's schedule. Bad news. Have a test in the morning at 10 a.m. Unprepared. Only 5 hours left. Urgent action required. Must have a plan. Life's well for a while. In the streets, all these people stood in rows, living under one giant scoreboard. Is that what's happening to us? A life with no time for living, so that's when it's all over, only your degree and money mark your path.This world does not worship true justice and love but success and strength. Something in our human nature, perhaps? Some instinct that drives us to mingle with a colorful moral spectrum and masks our true colors. Unimportant. What we do defines what we are. Good life. Everybody moves on. Falls into asleep about 3pm. Got hit up at 4:10pm. Tired. Must go to BoA, serious and urgent business. Arrive at 5:15pm, good timing. Wrong person at service, said she can't do it today, must be Monday. Rules and dogma. Stupid. Have to go. Must go quickly, must get back before 6 to make it to the dinner. Legs tired, exhausting, pains inside, no choice. Must keep promises, even in the face of Armageddon, never quit. 7 pm, leaving for dinner. Friend's car got hijacked open. One broken window, lost one jacket and three gameboy games, first witnessed at 15:50 Thursday the 12th. Get him a phone and urge him to call the police dept immediately. Friend heistates, want out and eat first. No, never compromise in the face of crime, must settle this now. 8:35pm, everything is fine now, let's go. The dinner is Thai food, super nice sauce and healthy diet, very good one. 10 pm, get back to the dorm. Friend wants to watch Dark Knight, so be it done. Uncounsciously falls asleep. Wake up, already 11 am next morning. 3/5/2009 Keep We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided. 2/4/2009 Busiest DaysWhen there are pretty much 10 items on the list at all times...
1/18/2009 The SnowI'm just a little bit caught in the middle Slow it down, make it stop I'm just a little bit caught in the middle The sun is hot in the sky (i want my money back, just enjoy the show) 12/31/2008 2009吃喝玩乐睡 吹侃损扯骂
最近就光玩儿了，基本上花了半个月向在北京的兄弟虚心讨教如何有效解决 “今儿晚上哪儿吃? ”这个问题，也没在这满嘴飘冰的日子里写下两句总结性的文字，真的是很懒，我就不惭愧了。
我从第一天开始一对二贫嘴说到现在,聊天最长纪录从下午1:00说到第二天早上6点48分, 基本上把我周围的人都给说得很烦很烦了。
我在某一个有月亮没星星的晚上，吃喝了5盘2碗15串15杯外加大概18小时话，最后没吐，反倒睡着了，算是破了我以前的纪录。周围的人常会有一个疑问，你丫为什么就是不长胖呢？ 答案：俺头发比一般人多，它们比较消耗资源。 新年暂时还没太多感想，反正比去年这时候轻松不少。
2008年主题是麻烦，目的是解决麻烦，具体内容是读书，赚钱，回家，以及继续不断尝试一些我以前从来没干过的事情。
总体来说，好事儿我没干多少，坏事儿我没有赶上，但怪事儿一般我都舍我其谁。 我说的话呢，有时会莫名其妙，云山雾罩，无凭无调，稀里糊涂得像是来自一座没人住过的庙。
故此，现在连一9岁女孩儿见了我都给我来这么一句“呀，你咋就那么奇怪呢？”
其实我奇怪挺正常的，我若是不奇怪那才叫真变态呢。
这些年来，我日子过得一直没什么规律，基本上白天懂了夜的黑。变化呢，是我生活中的唯一常数——世间人来人往，缘来过时不候，浪过一波激昂，又是几度秋凉。因此 ，我的经历偶尔自然会比较跌宕起伏。在这种充满不安的环境里成长，我的身心自然也就受到了不小的压力跟挑战，境遇感受的起伏与我的心跳同在。为了避免自我骚扰过度，2008年下半年，我选择以无为之治为主，聊天吃饭为辅的生活方式，主要目的是调整个人心态和身体状况，以应对未来更激烈的竞争。我想一个追求随心随意随缘随遇而安的我，并不一定适合窗外这个“灭了你的对手，你不需要理由”的社会，但老人说又丑又傻又能吃亏的人有福。我自我觉得我算是一个，兴许在这个人不见自丑，马不嫌脸长的时代，我不会挂的太惨。
2009年，我个人计划中的事情应该不会受到美股大势的影响，虽说找工作的事也许会受挫，但其他方面我还是保持乐观。 12/21/2008 莫非定律
12/20/2008 非诚勿扰
《非诚勿扰》经典语录： 1.21世纪什么最贵，和谐。 秦奋（葛优饰）忽悠风险投资人的短片中的台词，核心诉求就是全世界的争端都用剪刀石头布来解决。 2.宝马头上插一奔驰的标 秦奋碰到未婚怀孕的女子（徐若瑄饰），希望秦奋能做孩子的父亲。秦奋当场拒绝：“这就好比宝马头上插一奔驰的标，要是出了故障，宝马的零件配不上，奔驰又不给修。” 3.你还真不拿我当外人啊 梁笑笑（舒淇饰）对秦奋说出当第三者的烦恼，秦奋脱口而出：“便宜都让他（梁笑笑的情人）占了，让我陪怨妇喝酒，你还真不拿我当外人啊。”
12/13/2008 From China with LoveI'm going Home
 0:55 2008/12/16 Solid and sound, I am home in one piece. The flight was good and nice, I had a window seat with no one sitting next to me. Lucky to be alone. So far there are 10 things on the list to do for this week...let's sleep first. 12/10/2008 2008"Don’t make me repeat the same thing many times." Let it be...weird. You don't have to like me, that'd be way too easy. I know I should've died long ago, but since you weren't killing me then, why, I'm so glad to meet you again! Subtle the words, direct the action. Ignore the fools, live up to be wise. Only love those who don't seem to love you if they have painful reasons inside their heart. It is self-evident that reckless love will destroy itself in the end. The fascinating mystery is only why people are still doing it after a thousand years. I'll just misunderstand them all and make sure they understand just that. Whenever you have to say that you are absolutely right, you must've failed to show people about that. Don't wait for the world, I'd rather let the world wait for me. Do you know how fortunate we are that most of those smartest people of mankind actually decided to stay in school all their life just because we're too stupid? All pride is petty in the face of true knowledge. In college you are given three choices: 1) Sleep like yesterday never happened 2) Work like there's no tomorrow. 3)You want today? Well, read a book about it. All there is has been all there was, what's new is all but a different kind of old. Creativity is but...a flick in the void of mind. Free like a bird and work like an egg, yea, that's me. I made the wrong choice at the wrong time while reading the question entirely the wrong way, but it turned out to be the correct answer. What the hell?! At all costs, you must "lie" to the girls, especially when they don't want to tell the difference. I don't know if I can tell you how much I can't tell you about how I really feel about you. What are the stars but bare rocks flirting with moonlight on the sky? We're the boys, alright? You know when we land on Earth, we kicked each other in the nuts and then...well, the good news is that some of us are still boys. The bad news... is that some of us start kicking back. Ouch. I know, I know, i know... All that gives humans pleasure has something to do with the devil. God offers you free meals. The devil offers you stocks, a woman, a knife and a grave. You choose. I might, alright, against all my pride, I might, alright? i just might like you a little bit more than I dislike the way I liked you. The more I yawn the less I know if I am asleep. When you're young and talented, money saved is time wasted. You can get away with murder, but then, can you tell who else is there? Every man is entitled to the right to be a fool once in his life. Just don't make it twice. Thousand lies may make up a "truth" for a little while... Smart boys get the grades, stupid boys get...the girlfriends. You know, after studying for hours, I learned that I can actually get this question wrong every single time now. Wow, I didn't know how to do that. We are the people our teachers warned us about when we were kids. So, what else is there to be afraid of? Americans love to say...hey you CAN'T be who you USED to be, but I AM still who I AM. O Man, HOLY JACKASSES! All it's required for a smart person to succeed in this society is for the fools to line up and stay in a "box". They must stay together to maximize marginal cost. That's what they do best. Well, smart ones don't, they spread out to hold up the sky and maximize...the imagination. How about a milkshake grenade? 12/8/2008 12.8 Just come across this randomly in my break. Gotta go back to study now. Good luck. Nobody loves you when you're down and out Nobody sees you when you're on cloud nine Everybody's hustlin' for a buck and a dime I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine I've been across to the other side I've shown you everything, I got nothing to hide And still you ask me do I love you, what it is, what it is All I can tell you is it's all show biz All I can tell you is it's all show biz Nobody loves you when you're down and out Nobody knows you when you're on cloud nine Everybody's hustlin' for a buck and a dime I'll scratch your back and you knife mine I've been across the water now so many times I've seen the one eyed witchdoctor leading the blind And still you ask me do I love you, what you say, what you say Everytime I put my finger on it, it slips away Everytime I put my finger on it, it slips away Well I get up in the morning and I'm looking in the mirror to see, ooo wee! Then I'm lying in the darkness and I know I can't get to sleep, ooo wee! Nobody loves you when you're old and grey Nobody needs you when you're upside down Everybody's hollerin' 'bout their own birthday Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground  12/3/2008 All you need is love "Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector...a dark knight."  A morning call pretty much
signals a changing world like changing weather. I always think it is better to deserve something I don't have than to have something I don't deserve. But then again, people I love may not be like me at all. When they happen to be
with me, I misunderstand all of what they said, and made sure they
understand--- It is only me, and there's
nothing to worry about. I find myself too particular to be matched. In the end, I decided to give them something all of them deserve but I never had.But I'm not too worried, at least not as much as the adults in my family. In this world around me, people worship success, worry of the ups and downs, while feeling weary of life's many implications. Yet, against all the downturns and thrusts of life, all you need is a loving heart. 11/11/2008 Single Havoc?Nah... 一哥们还是忍不住提醒我今天是所谓的11.11。
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